I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
