We're like a lot better than the average bears
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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