i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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