stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My bed smells like the plague
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