I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
