butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
