I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
