I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
