guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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