after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
