make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
