listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize