I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
