You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
