I cannot find my penis.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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