When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
