He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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