i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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