We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Operation Purity has been aborted
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
