I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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