I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
