why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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