she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
