did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Green mimosas i think yes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
