It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
