Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
