Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
