Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
