I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
