she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize