Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize