Moan for me like Helen Keller
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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