im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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