Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
wow bdsm is so cute
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
