something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
