Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
