I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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