It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I pour the whiskey from now on
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
