She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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