i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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