I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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