just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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