She said her name was "party"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just high enough for therapy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
