I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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