wakey wakey hands off snakey
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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