Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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