i think my tv is drunk
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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