D3 body, D1 cock
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
