Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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