i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
