VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
