i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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