It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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