call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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