Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
