i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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