Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
