How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
