last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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