I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
