it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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