Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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