Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
