I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
