I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
