Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
