It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
