we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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