oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
