So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
whose parrot is this?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
