I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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