I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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