She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
