If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Randomize
