Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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