Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize