stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
