so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize