I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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