Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
