i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
