I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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