I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
