Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
