So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
