why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
