oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
