I cannot find my penis.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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