i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
