Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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