I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
