did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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