So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
