i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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